Half a World Away - 2
“A guy confessed his feelings for me today.”
“Oh. Okay.” My mind raced in a million directions all at once. My hand that was holding the umbrella over our heads started trembling. My heart was booming in my chest. Rui is beside me but when I try to look at her, her eyes won’t meet mine. I don’t need to ask for clarification. It’s obvious what her response to that confession is.
The pain is overwhelming and my stomach begins to clench and my vision blurs. I won’t be able to hold onto my composure for much longer. It’s the first time i’ve been dumped and I don’t want to give her the satisfaction of seeing me break down. I hand her the umbrella, exposing my shoulders to the rain.
“Hiro?”, Rui finally turned to look at me with a look of concern. “Good luck. Thank you.” Immediately, I turn the opposite direction and start running as hard as I can. My name is being shouted by her but I ignore it. My shoes and pants begin to get soaked as I run through puddles without noticing them. My brain is screaming at me to stop and turn around and ask questions. Why? Who? When? But the loudest voice in my brain is the one I choose to listen to. The screaming voice that says this over and over:
I don’t ever want to feel like this ever again.
—-
“Hiro! How are you still sleeping? It’s time to get up! Let’s get ready for the day!”
My grandfather’s voice startles me awake, his footsteps transitioning between loud to quiet as he walks further away. The sun is gently peeking through between the blinds and I squeeze my eyes shut to stop the light's invasion into my eyes. It feels like I haven’t slept at all despite going to bed at a reasonable hour. Once again, the same dream. Even this far from Tokyo, the illusion of Rui haunts me. I roll over onto my side and look at the clock. 7:30 AM. I can hear the old man dragging around propane tanks outside, clanging against the ground. For a brief moment I think about staying in bed but knowing my grandfather, his patience would disappear quickly.
I head into the bathroom and start washing my face. The cold water sends a shiver up my back. My grandfather bangs on the door and I open it slightly while brushing my teeth “Breakfast is downstairs. Eat up before you help me setup.” I give him a thumbs up in the mirror without turning around. After cleaning myself up, I start heading down the stairs. There’s a warm and familiar scent emanating from the kitchen and I follow my nose. As I enter, I see someone that isn’t grandpa working at the kitchen counter.
Her back is turned to me with her shoulder length deep blue hair tied up in a pony tail. She’s wearing a white t-shirt with a pair of olive shorts and I can see the strings of the apron she has tied around her waist and neck. Her back and shoulders look small and slender but her muscles are strong. Despite her petite frame, you could tell she’d been lifting lots of heavy boxes. She was humming a tune until she heard me approach. She looked over her left shoulder and frowned.
“About time you got up! We really could use your help getting set up for the day.” She turned around and passed me a plate and a bowl with a smile. She must have been so excited to give me a hard time, I could tell by the sly smile on her face. I looked down at the food I had been given: Warm white rice with an egg on top and a bowl of miso soup.
“Are you sure this is edible?”, returning her teasing with some of my own. Umi was always interested in working in the kitchen and I was familiar with how good her cooking was. “You should be honored to be served by me”, Umi scowled. “There are many boys that would do anything this privilege." I also was familiar with this. Umi has always been cute, getting attention wherever she goes. “Alright, alright”, I conceded. “Wish me luck.” “Luck isn’t needed!”, Umi yelled, her cheeks puffed up with annoyance. “Luck isn’t needed!”
Umi and I met when I came up for the summer with my mom. She was the kid that lived closest to my grandfather’s place so we inevitably ended up getting stuck with each other. Growing up with Umi has meant that we have a familiarity with each other like I have with no one else. What this means is that we constantly give each other a hard time.
When Umi’s friends hung out with us, they often accused us of flirting non-stop. But I know it doesn't mean anything. Umi is more concerned about ensuring everyone around her is happy. Could I see myself getting together with her? Of course. She’s gorgeous, kind and fun to be around. But she's never shown any interest in me as a man. I’ve never seen her interested in anyone romantically. I know she sees me as a friend, so I do everything I can to respect her boundaries.
“It’s good!” I shout, after trying a spoonful of the soup she made. Umi rolls her eyes for a moment and then flashes a bright smile. “Of course it’s good. I am glad you finally appreciate how privileged you are to be able to eat my food.” I continue scarfing down the food.The rice is warm and cooked well, the egg on top perfect with a runny yolk. “I do appreciate it. I could eat this every day. I am sure you’re going to be a great wife one day!”, I mumble with food in my mouth. Umi turned around and faced the counter and squatted down covering her face. From where I was sitting, I could see her ears turning red. “That’s so unfair,” she whispered to herself. “Sorry?” “None of your business!” Umi responded annoyed. “Hurry up and eat!”
After cleaning up the kitchen, Umi sat down beside me while I finished eating. “Your grandfather is pretty excited that you’ve come back to help out. His bad back has been bothering him but he keeps stubbornly doing everything." “He’s always been stubborn. Just how he’s wired”, I sigh. “He’s also driven your mom into a rage the last few summers. Imagine two kaiju attacking each other on the beachfront!” Umi laughed gently to herself. I imagine her imagining my family wearing rubber monster suits. “Thank you for being there for him”, I say genuinely. “You always find a way to connect with people around you, even the most stubborn old man I know.” I chuckle while imagining Umi as a politician at a rally. “He let me add new menu items!” Umi beamed with pride. I tried to ask the old man to add some new drinks and he refused. Cute girls always seem to get their way.
Grandpa started shouting from the back of the house. “Are you finished eating yet? I could use your help moving a few things!” “On my way!”, I shouted back at him. “Are you okay with the cleanup?” I asked while turning to look at Umi. “Go and help him. I’ll wash these dishes and then come join you.” “Thanks for breakfast!” I stood up and made me way to meet Grandpa.
Umi grabbed the dishes off the counter and placed them in the sink. As the water filled the basin and soap bubbles started to multiple, her ears became flush again.
“A great wife….you’re such an idiot Hiro. All of this time apart and somehow you come back even cuter than before…” She slapped her cheeks gently with the palms of her hands. The sound of the glass beads on her bracelet clattered softly as she moved. “It’s not good for my heart when you say things like that.”
—
My grandfather was the type of human that would never accept a quiet retirement. Once he finished his job working in government, he used his money to purchase this home. He then spent years converting the back entrance into a concession for beach goers. He’s always called it his café and while you can get coffee here, he sells mostly food and drinks you’d have at the beach. There is a shaved ice machine, a charcoal grill for yakitori and a flattop for yakisoba. The living room of the house serves as the backstage.. There is a large fridge and standing freezer full of prepped ingredients. There are boxes and beer crates lining the hallway. There is space with small chairs that we often will go and sit at when the café is quiet. It’s not a particularly nice place to hang out so when the day is done we head upstairs to the bedrooms. There are three upstairs, one for my grandfather, one for my mother and one for me.
I head out the door and start helping Grandpa roll out the canopy over the work area. It’s the only thing that gives us shade and protects the work area from the rain.I roll out a table that we use to serve customers. On the left side, we have the grill and flattop that Grandpa always runs, refusing to relinquish this potion to anyone. To the right is a shaved ice machine and an espresso maker. I load the machine with a large block of ice while Umi connects the waterline to the espresso machine. I grab a set of large flags from inside and shove them into the sand. They are bright blue and have a gigantic red 氷 on them. WIth that we are ready to start the day.
After a quiet morning, our afternoon is busy with customers trying to beat the mid day heat. Every so often, I can’t help but look over to Umi as she’s helping customers. Despite her small frame, she's turning the crank on the ice machine with ease. I can’t help but watch Umi as she’s helping customers. She doesn’t look overly strong but she’s able to crank the ice shaving machine with ease. She has a massive smile on her face as she hands customers their orders. Her light blue eyes contrast her dark blue hair and she looks like she’s sparkling in the sun.
As the evening approaches, Grandpa walks over to me and hands me a 1000 yen bill. “What is this for?” I was surprised at his generosity. “You and Umi spent the entire day working. I feel guilty about your reunion being a working day. Go and get yourselves a treat. Besides, she was really excited that you were coming back for the summer.” “Shhhhh!” Um put her finger in front of her lips, trying to convince the oblivious old man to stop. “You should have heard what she said last week.” Grandpa smiled a mischievous smile. “Stop making up stories! Hiro, that never happened!" Seniors always want to tease the youth. I rolled my eyes at grandpa and sighed. “Leave it be Umi. Let’s go.” I beckoned Umi to come join me. Her face was flush with embarrassment but she walked over to me quickly.
We walked down the street, past Umi’s house towards the kombini. The heat from the day lingers but a gentle breeze from the ocean takes the edge off. I walk with Umi on my right so that she is away from the road. She’s walking with her hands clasped together behind her back and she’s facing forward with a slight smile. She’s walking close enough to me to occasionally brush up against me. It’s difficult for me to maintain my focus when her presence is so often in my bubble.
Umi looks up towards me and grins. “So Hiro? Why did you come back? Miss me?” I freeze for a moment, trying to figure out how to explain my return to Umi without giving away my dark past. I gave up almost as quickly as I started. “It’s….a long story.” “Come on Hiro. It’s not like you got a girlfriend and then she dumped you not long after.” I start coughing. I barely said anything to her and she hit the bullseye immediately.” “Seriously?” “She left me for someone else.” My chest started to hurt again. I didn’t want to talk about this but she saw right through me. “Got dumped and spent the last week of class in my room causing my mom to worry. I’m pathetic.” Umi’s face contorted between shock and pain. I assume she was surprised I could get a girlfriend at all. “I never said that. I am sorry Hiro. I was teasing, I didn’t realize.” She looked at the ground, trying to avoid my eyes. “Umi, you don’t have to apologize. I can take comfort knowing that even if I get dumped, I’ll never be alone. We always will have each other.” I put my arm around her shoulder and squeezed and let her go. While I kept walking, she squatted on the ground, her ears becoming bright red again. I turned around and looked at her curled up in a ball. “You coming?" Umi stood up, ran up to me and pushed my chest with some force. “Hey! What is that for?’ “Figure it out you idiot!"
The lights in front of the convenience store flicker with life. The sun had disappeared and the stars started to greet the sky. We stand in front of the store consuming what we bought. Umi has a can of cola that she opened but she’s not drinking it. She appears to be lost in thought.
“I really am sorry. I feel bad that I teased you about something that was still painful for you.”
I take a gulp of the can of hot coffee. It’s warm and sweet and slightly bitter. Surprisingly, thinking about Rui isn’t as painful as it was even a day ago.
“Let it go, Umi. I know you didn’t mean to upset me. I’m really thankful that you’re here, getting me out of the house. Every day gets a little easier.”
Umi gave a half smile, feeling some relief but still with a touch of guilt.
“Is it ok if I give you a hard time again?”
“Of course.”
“You hikkikomori didn’t you?” Umi says flatly
“Yep.” I let out a sigh loud enough to be heard from space.
Umi tried desperately to hold in her laughter. It started as a smirk and eventually became a full belly laugh.
“Sooooo dramatic! Your mom must have been pissed!”
Umi is wiping tears from her eyes and is gasping for air.
“My stomach hurts Hiro! I can’t!”
Seeing her smile and laughter fills my heart with warmth. Even when I am the target of her attacks, even when she’s not pulling punches, I can’t help but laugh along.
“So much for being sorry!”
After a few moments of non stop laughter, Umi finally calms down and looks down at her cola. “Still, I don’t understand why she would do something like that to you. I know I wouldn’t do that.” Her ears and her face are slightly flush, and our eyes meet. I look into her ocean blue eyes and for a moment I have difficulty moving my gaze. I can’t believe my childhood friend is this pretty.
“Who knows.” I scratch my head, trying to think. When Rui dumped me I became so overwhelmed that I could barely recall what she even said. All I remember is my heart beating and wanting to run away. I must have been not paying attention to how she was feeling. Or I was not reading the room again. Or I am just an idiot. We were on a date and I thought things were going well. I had the courage to try to hold her hand or even kiss her. Her dumping me felt like it came out of nowhere. When I got home my phone was full of messages and I wasn’t brave enough to read them. In a single swipe, I deleted them all. She eventually stopped messaging me entirely, presumably to message her new boyfriend. I will never actually know what happened because I was too emotional to listen. I should have listened.
I tilt the coffee can back and chug the hot drink. It’s hot enough that it hurts slightly when I gulp it down. I pause for another moment. “I want her to be happy.” I wipe my arm on my face to remove the coffee around my lips. “I want to be happy too. So I’ll focus on having fun this summer as best as I can.”
Umi smiled brightly at me. “Then let’s make a promise to have fun this summer together!” She tapped my now empty coffee can with her cola bottle.
“Sounds good!”, I replied.
—
“Umi! The bath is free!” “Thank you!”
Between work and everything else that happened today, a bath sounds lovely. After throwing my clothes into the laundry basket, I used the shower head to wash my body. I wrapped my hair up in a towel and then checked the temperature of the bath. After settling in and relaxing for a minute, my mind begins to wander. Today was the most fun I’ve had in a long time. But really….how stupid can Hiro be? Does he not find me attractice? How could he possibly not to make a move on me? She closed her eyes and pointed her head towards the ceiling. Hiro is so stupid. The stupidest. But he’s also cute. Stupid cute! It shouldn’t be possible for a single man to be so dumb and yet so irresistible! It takes all of my focus to not hug him. He was so sweet to me earlier. He liked the food I made him! He said I’d be a good wife! …and he forgive me for bringing up something painful.
I looked up at the ceiling. Condensation was dripping down into the tub while steam rose up to replace it.
We made a promise. We’re going to have fun this summer. There’s no one standing in my way. We can take our time to get to the next stage, together.